i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have fence marks all over my body
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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