Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
