I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
