i dont even know how to be here
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
