Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
a search helicopter?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
