I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
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