i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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