toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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