No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
