You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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