I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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