right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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