I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
