i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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