Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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