I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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