dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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