Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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