i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
