I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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