I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
