So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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