He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
