they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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