I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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