you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
