Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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