I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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