we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just found a bag of teeth...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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