She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
