I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
