FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
