Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
