You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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