Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
