when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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