clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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