she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
