I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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