he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
