I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
