I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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