she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
