I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
