he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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