I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
3 2 1 whiskey
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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