you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
