Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
