Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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