Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
