I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
birth control should be required to get into college
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
