i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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