Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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