I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
