there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
