I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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