Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
