She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
