You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
