sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
