its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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