it hurts more in the daytime
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
