I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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