I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
